‘Thirty Seconds Before Midnight’ on youwriteon.com

I just received a new review for TSBM on the youwriteon.com site that has really made my day. I’ve been feeling a bit sad about the book’s apparent lack of progress this week and this, in addition to a mature, experienced professional writer saying that he couldn’t see an issue with a tortoise narrator and thought it was a great idea and to ‘keep the faith’ this feedback has really brought a smile to my face. Incidentally the encouraging writer chap met Steve Irwin as he was profiling him for the Sunday Times and Steve let him feed Darwin’s tortoise, Harriet!!!

Here’s the really heart warming review:

“This is marvelous tale, and so utterly compelling . I love the idea of the World as seen by the animals, this is a brilliant and original concept, and exceptionally well written. All the characters have a distinct identity, especially Herbert, the narrator, nice wry commentary from him. there is a particularly stringent sense of anticipation as the ancient regime at the house gives way to the old, sparks are definitely waiting to fly here. The pace of the narrative, characterisation and the setting can not be faulted, this is an outstanding work of fiction and deserves to go far. Best of luck.”

TSBM I think is even more divisive in terms of readers I think that than The Thought Collector for which I already posted the youwriteon feedback. Here’s what some other people have said:

“from the mouth of tortoises this is a lazy, meandering read befitting the narrator, i think its bvery entertaining and see no reason why it should not appeal to both adults and children, but my guess is that adults would have to read it to the younger children at least for whom the vocabulory may be a bit advanced, i think you write with some wry humor at the foibles of humans and have succeeded in great meaure in creating a different animal landscape of sorts, good luck with this decidedly original work. enjoyed this effprt. liked the title as well.”

“I found this fun and thought provoking, once I got into it. My initial problem was brought about by the synopsis – I thought I was reading the wrong piece for the first few paragraphs…. expecting something about rock n roll and getting watership down was a shock. I’m not saying you need to change the beginning but a well turned phrase in the synopsis that alerts us to the unusual narrator (without giving it away) might help the reader not to feel so uncomfortable at first. However, once I realised the conceit you were constructing I was able to settle into it and it was certainly interesting to look at the world from the perspective of a tortoise. I’m interested to know what happens in the rest of the story.”

“Really enjoyed this one! Although… and maybe I’m just slow on the uptake… but despite the opening description of Digby clattering his beak on the narrator’s shell, I was still unclear about what was going on and who/what these characters were for several paragraphs. Once I got all that figured out, though, I breezed through the rest of the story and enjoyed every minute of it! Wonderful descriptions of the animals and their habitat, especially all the sounds they make in response to the music.

Herbert’s narrative voice is great– witty, dry and somewhat condescending to what he seems to think of as “lesser creatures.” I’d definitely love to see more of this!”

“This is certainly an unusual piece of writing. I like your narrative style; it flows well and I like your choice of language for Herbert. He comes across as educated, slightly self-important.
So, the menagerie will come to represent what’s left of the old money now that the new have moved in. Herbert already admires the sounds he’s heard for the first time. I expect he’ll defend the Palmers and their way of life against opposition from Bob and the rest of the animals.
Using animals as main characters in this way is not a new idea, of course. This kind of personification works well when the characters of the animals are thoroughly developed. I don’t think that you have got there yet, but I expect, as the story continues that the reader will come to learn more about Herbert and his Family etc.
I think that the choice of a tortoise for your MC is a good one. Not as excitable as the other creatures he will be able to act as a kind of mediator in whatever conflict you have in store.
I can’t tell yet what your main themes are likely to be. Your brief synopsis says ‘tragedy’, so the arrival of the Palmers must set in place the beginnings of the inevitable and unavoidable outcome of whatever events happen next. I think it would be useful for reviewers to have a full- page synopsis to give us a few extra clues. Similarly, the relevance of the title is not clear yet.
Here are my scores:
Characters:4 a variety of interesting characters here, both animal and human. I think you can develop them further. They are a little one-dimensional at the moment.
Plot:4 I actually think that I’m being generous here, because in all honesty, not a lot has happened yet. I just have a feeling that it will.
Pace:3 I think that you can afford to up the pace without losing Herbert’s quirkiness.
Language:5 Great use of language and masterful control
Voice:5 Strong voice; never falters from Herbert’s way of looking at the world.
Dialogue:3 I really think that you need more dialogue in this opening to give us an insight into the other animal characters.
Settings:4 Good, but I’m not sure how much a tortoise would actually be able to see from a distance.
Themes:4 Unusual, but not clear yet.
I wish you all the very best with your writing.”